just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
