So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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