I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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