I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
