Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
