i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Four minutes until I can fart!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
