It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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