Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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