i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
