took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
