You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
