it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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