some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
