I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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