Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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