This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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