Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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