I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
