Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Randomize