The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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