Even the bartender felt bad for me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just forgot I was standing up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
