Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Girls should come with a carfax report
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
