so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
