On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
