My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
