bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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