I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
