cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
