we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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