apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
