Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
