I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
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i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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