I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
