i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
