Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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