**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
