What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
