A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
