just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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