i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
