I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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