If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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