My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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