Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
