My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw a hot homeless man
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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