overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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