i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
