I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
