i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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