After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
