I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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