I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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