brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
