My underwear smells like fireworks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
