I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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