New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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