Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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