One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
